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Hi, I just watched the movie Undaunted…the story of Josh McDowell.
I had no idea what he had been through as a child. He had a drunken father that constantly beat his mother, a sister who committed suicide and a male helper at the farm house they had who sexually abused him for about 7 years. He was so angry. Long story short, he came came to know Christ while trying to disprove Christianity and then led his Dad to the Lord whom died 14 months after receiving Christ.
I believe God wanted me to watch this movie today.
I have felt a sort of depression come over me and that scares me. This always happens when I start recovery. One thing he said in the movie was that he felt like he had nothing to offer God other than a string of failures. I feel that way 90% of the time. But then he said that he learned that there is a power in weakness and that is also my hope.
He said in the movie that he stopped crying as a boy because it did no good to cry. I totally understand that and think that is a huge reason why it is so hard to connect with my feelings.
When he set out to disprove Christianity, he said that he learned that rejection of the Bible was based more on emotions than intellect.
As I was watching the movie, after Josh went to let the man who had sexual abused him know that he had forgiven him, I caught myself immediately picking at my skin. The numbing is so embedded in me that I sometimes don’t even realize what I am doing.
He said that he had a hard time believing in a loving God because while growing up, he only knew hurt from a father and abuse at the hands of another man. Just like me!