The first time many of us heard of a woman who goes simply by the name “Tepe” was through Instagram. Earlier this year, on a channel where she typically shared her perspectives as an atheistic satanist, she shared an entirely different kind of post: her dramatic conversion from satanism to Christ.
Tepe grew up in rural Indiana with a believing mom who was involved in church. Tepe was a curious girl, self-proclaimed as “quiet and weird.” Instead of dressing like others, she was into dark clothing, and things of a Macabre nature. In church, she had the courage to ask questions others didn’t, like How can God be good yet allow so much pain and suffering in the world? She eagerly anticipated a response that would bring clarity and comfort. However, that was not the response she received.
Tragically, instead of finding answers and the sense of belonging she craved in the church, Tepe was criticized for asking hard questions and met with swift judgment and ostracization. This led her on a trajectory of eventually doubting God’s goodness and presence, which ultimately confirmed His nonexistence in her mind.
While her needs for belonging and acceptance were unmet by the church, they were met somewhere else. In college, while studying psychology and finding some rational explanations for her questions, she found a documentary on The Satanic Temple (TST). As she watched she thought, “These people look like me… I can be myself around these people and not be judged for it.” As she began to interact with others involved in TST, she found that they were incredibly welcoming and kind. She found belonging and people who accepted her for who and how she was.. Unfortunately, this opened a gate to a dark path.
Over time, Tepe began practicing rituals within atheist satanism, which is much different from theistic satanism. Theistic satanism involves belief in God, yet not siding with Him and worshiping Satan, whereas atheistic satanism is more of a humanist group that believes in casting off all authority with a mythical Satan as a role model. Atheistic satanism is opposed to religion and advocates for equality for all within secular humanism. Tepe found a common cause and mission she could support in TST. But she knew something wasn’t quite right.
As Tepe reflected on this chapter of her life, she noticed something curious. Whenever she would venture into the world of the occult, practice rituals, or get close to the spiritual realm, she would have an odd urge to pick up a Bible and read it. She now recognizes this as God pursuing her to draw her back to Himself. And part of that pursuit would include tragedy.
About two years into her journey as a satanist, Tepes’ mom began to show symptoms of dementia. She was quickly diagnosed with Cruetzfeld-Jakob Disease (CJD) and within six months passed away. This tragedy caused immeasurable pain, which resolved into bitterness and fueled Tepe’s anger toward a God she didn’t believe in. But it’s that anger that led to the next step in her journey.
One day, distraught and aggravated, Tepe decided to pick up a Bible with the intention of exposing the God who seemed unwilling to save her mom’s life as evil and malicious.. But as she read God’s word, her defenses were unexpectedly lowered and she became unexplainably intrigued as she encountered Scripture and the person of Jesus.
With a new curiosity and in desperate need for hope, she reached out to the pastor who lead her mom’s memorial for answers. Instead of being met with judgment and disregarding her questions, this pastor loved her as a daughter created in the image of God, and took her questions seriously. On a park bench he sat with her as she cried and loved her in her pain. At the end of the conversation, he suggested she read a book, New Evidence that Demands a Verdict by Josh McDowell. Tepe made a mental note, but still harboring some bitterness and skepticism, decided not to spend the money on a book that would most likely collect dust on her shelf. But God wasn’t quite done yet.
Eight days later, she hopped in a delivery truck at a new job, only to look down between the center console and her seat and see New Evidence that Demands a Verdict looking back up at her. Shocked, she asked the man training her if it was his book. He said that it was not and that a customer left it for another employee. At that moment, unable to attribute seeing that book as a coincidence, she finally said, “Ok God, I’m listening, you have my attention.” Soon afterward, she placed her trust in Christ alone for salvation.
Tepe’s journey began by finding satisfying answers to the questions she had as a little girl as she talked with others, studied God’s word, and read parts of New Evidence that Demands a Verdict. Not only did she find answers to her questions, but, in Jesus she also found the belonging and acceptance she craved all along.
What does she want to share with others?
“This is real, this is coming from an ex satanist, like this is a real thing, and He loves you, and He is going to love you. and you are allowed to ask questions and you are allowed to wear black lipstick, it’s ok. That doesn’t matter. He Matters.”
Could we as the Church follow the model of Tepe’s pastor? To love others as human beings made in the image of God and take their questions seriously? In doing so, God may use one us in an unexpected way to bring others to Him
